Ninja in Kimono
I had a wonderful dream:
Someone passed a beautiful tunic to me made of gold and pink brocade. I put it on and of course I could fly. It wasn't a surprise to me. I knew it was a magickal robe. It was called a "Ninja Kimono", or perhaps, I just thought that is what it looked like. Unfortuntely, I felt undeserving of it. I struggled with keeping it.
I wonder why it is that I don't think I am good enough to have fine things. Part of me can not deal with the guilt I feel from owning such lavishness. Perhaps, it would help to remember that no matter how lovely or precious everything is still impermanent - even fine silk brocade kimonos, or our precious lives. Maybe, if I think like that I won't put too much importance on some things and not on others.
My dreams teach me that I am my own saboteur. Life hands me beauty and I feel it is too good for me. This is changing, now! I cannot continue to exist and feel this way. Too much is at stake, including my child's life.
After all, my friends see the potential in me, why can't I? One of dear friends from Montreal had a dream about me, too:
You were rich from writing a book and you looked beautiful and had beautiful children.
That is what she told me. Although, I have no idea why there is an implication of children, rather than child, I do know that I have been told by many, many people that I need to write.
So, it is time. I have to make these dreams reality. I had an image come to me last night of each negative thought I had being armour plating. Much the same as Reich had suggested of the protective layers we develop as we grow.
Reich decided the patients' body language could be more revealing than their words. He observed their tone of voice and the way they moved and concluded that people form a kind of ARMOUR to protect themselves, not only from the blows of the outside world, but also from their own desires and instincts. Most of us desire something, and immediately set out to find ways NOT to get it! Reich saw this process working in the body. Over the years a person builds up this character armour through bodily habits and patterns of physical behaviour.
Interesting man, that Reich.
That soft, vulnerable feeling is the key. Nothing to fear.