Tuesday, December 11, 2007

From the Bottom UP

I suppose life could be worse. I could have an addiction (to something other than tea or coffee) that could be life threatening and greatly reduce the quality of our life and my ability to parent. (I have dealt with these things, but I am not going to discuss that now.) My son and I might have lived in a country that didn't have such wonderful social programs and we would be out on the street, huddling in a cardboard box for warmth. Yeah, it could be worse, but as it stands right now, I am about as low as I want to go. Don't get me wrong, I have been lower than this in my life, but now, as a mother and at this point in my life, I will not be so accepting and complacent about the quality of our life.

Monday, December 10, 2007

From the Bottom Up

I suppose life could be worse. I could have an addiction (to something other than tea or coffee) that could be life threatening and greatly reduce the quality of our life and my ability to parent. (I have dealt with these things, but I am not going to discuss that now.) My son and I might have lived in a country that didn't have such wonderful social programs and we would be out on the street, huddling in a cardboard box for warmth. Yeah, it could be worse, but as it stands right now, I am about as low as I want to go. Don't get me wrong, I have been lower than this in my life, but now as a mother and at this point in my life, I will not be so accepting and complacent about our quality of life.

Being on Social Assistance or "Welfare" is not something I am proud of. (I will refer to Social Assistance as SA, hereafter.) It is terribly embarrassing, in fact. I wish to discuss it here though, as a study on the struggle to become self-sufficient and get oneself and family off of the system and SA. Not just of SA and have a job, but be able to live in a manner that offers security and growth. If for example, I broke my leg, I would be able to take care of all my family's needs, as in food, shelter, clothing, and transportation, while I convalesced. That not only are we able to just barely survive, but a life were we can flourish and not risk ending up back on SA. I want to achieve this, and I will achieve this, as a single parent who starts out with little else than her wits and a few good friends - for which, I am blessed to have.

I will log my experiences and actions taken to do this. I will also log my feelings and states of mind that can contribute but sometimes hinder progress. The people I meet and the agencies I am referred to and which ones help me and the attitudes of the staff.

This is not going to be a cakewalk. I am not doing this as an experiment. It is real life for my son and I. Wish me luck!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Inspector Gadget keeps up with the Joneses

I am just one woman. There are so many responsibilities that I have to keep up with. Raising a child alone is difficult enough, but modern society also pressures it's members to own certain things and "keep up with the Joneses". I don't know anyone by the name of Jones, but I see that most people do have more than we do - my son and I, that is.

While I feel the need to care for my son, there is a vast array of superfluous gadgetry that is tauted about to the the modern, North American seducing children and adults alike. Do these kids really need mp3 players or camera phones, or the very sophisticated video players? No, they don't need them, but if the kids want to be socially functional, they have to get them. This is what is being taught to them.

As adults, in general, we have enforced this idea that the "simple life" is no good. If we are not laden with gadgets, then we are inferior, somehow. Our children at a young age, must look up at us with all our electronic, wireless, digital paraphernalia and think we are living versions of Inspector Gadget. Frankly, I wonder if even he could keep up with the current demands to own high-tech gear.

Anyway, I have to do the laundry...Go, go, gadget-mummy!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Possiblity and Probabilty

I am reminded of the book "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe" by Douglas Adams - the impossible versus the highly improbable, and the probability factor. See, the chance, or the probability, that I will change my life is not very high. People in my position are rarely able to climb out of this - single mother, low-income, no support from the father, on the "dole" (as it is often referred to) - the situation seems bleak. This year though, this coming year, 2008, is supposed to be good for me, and it starts now in December.

Mark these words: I will be off the "system" and become financially successful by the end of 2008.

This is a promise to myself and to my child.

My child needs to be sent to private school.The state of public schools scare me. My child is also very intelligent, st least according to the testing. As a parent, you want to provide the absolute best for your child. I feel it is my duty and honour to provide for my son.

Right there, with that inspiration, my probability factor just kicked up a level. Now, I have to think about possibility. Apparently, anything is possible.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Who am I becoming?

This is a good question indeed. I remember a much different me. It is almost as if it wasn't me. So horrible are these images of my past. The things I remember doing and saying and feeling are not in tune with who I am today. It was as if something left me. Maybe it was just my anger, but it was a profound release. An anger that was so strong it had it's own name, and an army of psychosis behind it. It was not all my anger or negativity, and I don't think I realized at the time what I done. It moved through me and it was painful and I screamed for help, but no one was there to help - not physically, anyway.

I feel remarkably different. Who is this? I am constant change. I am never and naught. I am not I. That way, I can be be what it wants to be.

Wealth Magic

I haven't been doing my practice for over two weeks. I did a bit this week, but I am fretting. I need to calm down and make the wealth happen instead of letting thoughts of scarcity rule my thoughts.


"What you are aware of, you become conscious of." ~Lungold

This is what happens. Where one places their attention is what becomes manifest, in other words. I need to create wealth and abundance for myself and my family. Regardless of any bad feelings or selfish parenting on my mom and dad's part, I have to help them. They need to be uplifted, and no one else is going to do that for them.

My best friend, I want to help her too. Just so that she can relax for a bit. She is so full of kindness and love. My other best friend, he needs an art studio.

There are kids starving in the world, and people driving around in cars and SUVs like oblivious fools. Fuck, the money is useless without the intentions behind it. Just a pocket full of paper and plastic. I will send out my intention, as a whole lot seems to depend on me and the Universe will respond to me. It has in the past for the bad stuff! This time, the good stuff will happen and manifest.

Bless.

So I draw here, and NOW, the abundance of wealth that I know the universe would like to impart on me.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Pema

My dear friend, how truly blessed I am to be able to call you that. I hope I may always continue to call you a friend. My heart feels radiant with joy in part because I have a friend like you. Also because we have a friend in common that makes completes us. My friends, wisdom and bliss. I have to brace myself with grace when comprehending this incredible gift of friendship.

Thank you for all your love and good advice.